Saturday, April 10, 2010

Homeward Bound

Finally get to go home tomorrow. I have been stuck in Hudson waiting on my renewed passport to arrive. Cap'n Steve and the cats went back 2 weeks ago. I remained with the dogs. I do cherish my time alone. Don't get me wrong.. Cap'n Steve and I do pretty well together considering we are TOGETHER 24-7 90% of the year.. that other 10% I usually go visit friends/family. Being married is not an easy thing for me. It's not hard most of the time.. but I make it a bit harder than it has to be during the trying times. I am afraid of losing myself.. of becoming dependant. I always said the greatest compliment I could pay my husband was that I wanted to be with him, that I didn't need to be with him.. something about need.. that word scares me.. but then I don't think twice about saying I need my girlfriends and value their friendship so very much.. Why can't I say I need my husband.. what am I afraid of? What am I trying to hold on to? I am frightened that I may screw my marriage up because I am going through some crazy mental gymnastics with imagined or real fears. Well these last two weeks have been good - I always like it when I come home (wherever Cap'n Steve is) and can't wait to get there.. that's how it is for this trip. Now if I can just keep myself together for another 3 months (until the next planned trip apart) and not let my fears rule my head, life will be good.

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